Friday, June 15

emotion and the lack thereof

No I don't want to go with you to say goodbye to your best friend.
oh, so that makes me an unemotional person; almost to the point of being like [insert name of a stoic here]?

It's just a phase, I am sure it will be better soon. Here, I will even diagnose myself:

The last time I cried: hmmmm on the way home from Hawaii at the beginning of march. It was hard for me to leave. and go back to live my life like a normal person.

The last time I laughed for reals without holding anything back: well I can't really remember. movies don't count because they aren't real life. I do laugh...every week. I make a donkey sound out of my throat and I can't stop it. but laughing for so long and hard that it is almost satisfying? And your cheekbones begin to ache? I will try to make it happen soon.

The last time I was angry: yesterday. but I wouldn't call it anger, it is more of an irritable feeling. I have been irritable a lot lately.

The last time I was sad or depressed: I haven't been depressed for over 6 months, and even then it was only for a few days. I avoid any damaging thoughts and feelings at all costs. Being depressed is the worst thing ever.

I could list more emotions but the point is that I am an emotional person, I have feelings. I just haven't expressed them lately. And I have always avoided situations where things will be all mushy and I feel awkward--such as the above situation my sister invited me to attend. I decided a while ago to be real and not pretend to be excited about something I really don't care for.

What you need is a relationship they tell me. What you really need is to get married. No thanks. And no, it isn't about that guy I dated a year ago. It is about me. I don't flirt with a guy unless he is my type. And plus I am still really young.

1 comment:

seeingyouthere said...

I hate when people accuse others of being emotionless. I was once called, "cold and dead inside," due to my "lack of emotion."

By rereading your blog I tried to recapture my initial feelings about this, but I can't remember what I was going to write. I remember I was upset...

I just made this up because I promised you something. Sorry I blew it. Next time, I will write immediately!!! Sorry this post is lame.