Monday, February 27

Another essay from Damon

I have a lizard and the kids write essays and interview for class jobs.  He wanted to be in charge of feeding the lizard.  Here is his "persuasive letter" to me. This is may or may not be from a student this year, and I have changed his name.

Dear Miss Shumway:

For my class job I would like to have cricket feeder or pooper scooper. Hi said pedro from unicorn land I like loli pops and candy because it makes me hyper. I am highly qualified for every single job that is not on here the ones that are on here I can not do. So please read this boring sa and it will scar you for life because it is so horrifying you will want someone to read it for you. And if you don't you will also never be able to have a good person in the job.

First you will have a good person in the job becuase you know that I am amazing. Also you will not have to get on me for not doing the job because I have a fishy named ponyo and I once fed Him for a month but it was his time to go so we gave him a swirly wirly in the tiolet and I couldn't see him go wee his is still in my fish tank and feed him even though he is dead. One time we had a weasel in are yard so I wanted to kill it but my dad wouldn't let me so I must be really nice because I snuck out and shot him. I shot him because he got into are compost and then I skinned him and then there was blood in the snow so I had to eat the snow to hide the evedince that I had killed that weasel but before it died it had a baby so I killed that one to so I put them in a cage and had some target practice none of them got away becuase I hate them.

Second about the pooper scooper I like to do that because I like to mess with poop. One time I built a sculpture out of poop but my dad told me it was mud so I played and rolled around in the poop and I was a man and used my hand. Another time my sisters friends came over and thay were throwing golf balls at us so Devin and I went up into the orchards and we found deer beans and I started throwing the deer poop at them and then I stuck some poo on a stick and chased them that is a true story. The next time my dad siad that the deer poop was beans the very best beans in the world they would make you strong and you could lift a barely lift a penny so I at the poop and it actually doesn't taste that bad but I still coudn't lift the penny so I ate mor and more and then my breath smelt like the poo and then I found some mountian dew in the snow so I tried some and it kind of tasted funny so I put it in a water bottle and brought it home and put it under a micro scope and I found out what it really is.

third I would like bellatrixes vegtables becuase I have A cat that I have and I pore the cheap cat food into his bowl. One day (when I was about 4) a baby sitter came and she said that cat food taste like pizza so I tried it and it tasted like pizza pocket so I kept eating it and after a while it tasted bad so I was sick and puked and puked and then my brother spun me arond on the carpet and I got a rug burn. Once I tried my fish food and it tasted gross so at walmart I tasted every fish food until I found one that tasted good but there wasn't but I could't tell after a while becuase the first ones tasted really bad so the taste stayed in my mouth. One day when I was at petsmart with my sister so she got 2 fishys but one ate the other one so she tried to kill it and she did but one day I convinced her that I could make her come back to life so I preformed surgery on her and I saved her life and that is why I was exepted to a music program at harvared and they will pay my whole tuition.

Miss Shumway I know that you will make the right chioce and will let me what I want. I am sorry for talking but please please don't take my chioce away because of that I have problems with my mouth it never stop moving but when it deosn't I am doing something that is notty. I know that you are an amazing teacher and will let me be pooper scooper I want that really bad and I will get over my fear of it. so I hope you let me.


1 comment:

Daron said...

THE most amazing letter ever. This kid is in 5th grade? Amazing. Laughing so hard.