You should get a fish

As I was correcting online persuasive essays about a new pet, I see a note from one of my students: 

 

Damon - January 19 - 8:03 PM

i was mad and made it a stupid as possible so read it

 

So naturally, I read it.
Here it is for your entertainment.  (Names are always changed when I talk about my students)

Dear, Tyler

You should get a fish because they are stupid and pointless because they don't do anything. And when ever they do something is when you put food at the top and they come up or when you stick something in they will move. And when they move they have a heart attack because they are so fat and ugly so they die and you never see them again and you will cry and blame the pet store then get a new one then it will die and again and agian.

Plus if you dont feed them then they die then you can eat it unless it was dead for such a long time it will rot and decay and then it will just be a good hair brush and then you can do your hair in school because it is small and the teacher wouldn't notice so then if she found out you would get in trouble about a 100%. and if you got in trouble you couldnt be on student council because your life would be corupted and never grow up and become a hobo and make 0.01 cents a year and die from starvasion.

and you could put it in a bowl with another fish and see them fight and then it will become fat and then it would be delicous to eat because you made it fat. and then if you didn't feed it and then it died you could use the bone as a hair brush in school and brush your hair and then get in trouble but that is about 100% and then your life would be corupded and then you will be a hobo then live under a bridge and earn 0.01 cents a year.

Love Damon,